We are too quick to ridicule or insult or worse, we are too quick to make people hate themselves.
Maybe it’s something we are not aware of, but for sure, what we are not aware of is that people often hate themselves first, before we can hate them. We actually find them at a tip of successfully stop hating themselves.
There’s this girl I know, she is everything that you’d imagine a girl to be (Apologies if this sounds sexist, it’s not the intention) However, she is a homosexual. She told me on how she actually hated herself when she became aware that she was different.
She said: When I really realised that I was gay, I thought it was a phase. Initially I was shocked. I was trying to keep it within me, and dismiss it. I didn’t want to date yet, So I gave it a few months. That little time I spent trying to ignore it was the worst thing ever. Because that’s where the evidence and signs were visible. I decided that I’ll pursue guys. And I did just that. I still was unable to cope, because it was like I am actually cheating on myself, I am actually cheating on the other person because the only thing I could offer in a relationship was sex. I wanted to prove myself that it couldn’t be. I ended a relationship and after this was depression. I could hear the way others condemned homosexuals. I could feel the hatred and a sense of disgust in people towards homo kids. I would see people being chased out of their houses, being disowned.
Depression was somewhat a way to escape my reality. I often looked at the pills from my parents drawers. I had, every moment, a great desire to end my life. My parents couldn’t notice. In black families as long as you’re obedient, you’re good. I looked for quick ways of ending my life. I could face the world with this truth. I do date girls. Few people know, my friends only. I still have the hatred towards myself. I used to be angry. I used to be angry at life, angry at God. Like why would God make me this way in this kind of world. So I prayed, and prayed. I prayed to be fixed. It never worked, however, what still works is the desire for the pills and rope to hang myself. Almost every night I cry and hate myself, however, each day I learn to love myself. I believe I’ve got so much to offer the world.
When homo kids start telling their truth, you should know that they have overcome the dark demon. They are now practicing self-love. They are trying to reach out to themselves. When they come out, just know that they are trying to reach out for help, out of a pit of self-hatred and suicidal behaviour. How can it be that people choose this kind of life?
You do not need to take them back there. What about homosexuals who are physically visible, those who are open and clear just by their physical being? They are scared for their lives every time they have to leave for shops. Every time they have to go to public bathrooms they wonder if they’ll ever come back alive or without injuries.
Maybe it’s for this reason we should admire them. Admire them for doing things normal people don’t have to do. We should admire their strength of thinking twice about their every single step. We should admire them for not having the guts to look at mirror because they are scared of actual seeing the shame people see in them. We should admire them for trying to practice self-love consciously. We should admire them for risking their lives every day. We should wonder if is this how we want to live our lives? Is this how we would love our kids to live?
We should be able to make informed decisions after we put ourselves in others shoe. That’s what grace is. Maybe accepting them would be a solution. Actually, Maybe accepting, appreciating and praying for them secretly could be the solution. Then, maybe we’d realise that when you are in conversation with God it always a reflection of yourself – You will then realise that the person that needs to change is you. So it is with homo kids, maybe when praying God tells them, “This is hard, I know, but I need you to learn deep-self love”
Maybe your love is the only thing that can fix people, because surely your hate is fixing it by raising the rates of suicide.