I Am Often Not Interested In The Historical Evidence of the Bible.

The common thing is that we want proof, evidence. We basically want certainty.

Anne Lamott says that the opposite of faith isn’t doubt, but certainty. She says that certainty is completely losing the point.

This basically means; certainty makes faith irrelevant. You know, so why are you believing and hoping?

Whenever I say to friends, “I don’t know. I don’t know if the Old Testament is real or not and I am comfortable with this.” I get the look, “You are such a scam! It is said that on the last days people will deny the reality of the scriptures. blah, blah, blah” The usual.

I am comfortable, because I really do not find the evidence of scriptures to be a concern nor a point. I’m okay with uncertainty. This is because even if it’s all a lie, my faith would not be shaken. The reason is that my faith is my truth. I see myself in these scriptures and stories, because I live them. They are the truth of my soul.

I’m always insisting on my independence of God and do things on my own, just like Eve. Very often do I find myself giving up my identity and divinity – truth of who I am for love, just like Adam. Quite frankly, I find myself being fooled to believe that I can have more power and be smarter than God very often, just like both of them.

Oh, how often do I find myself swimming in the river of jealousy and envy towards my siblings and friends like our poor Cain?

In fact, how often do I find myself praying and meditating with a friend, fighting for the same goal, but they end up getting their prayer answered and I do not? Am I really different from Cain when the Lord only favored Abel’s offering, and not his? I think not. Even twisting it to Cain not bringing the best of his vegetables: I’m still like him on disobeying God by doing less than what my capabilities can offer.

I find myself defying against God just like Lot’s wife when they were told, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere on the plain.” And as a result of looking back, she turned into salt.

 

Every time God calls, I am Jonah, running away from Him and then begging for help when I get stuck. When faced with any big decision, I am Samuel, asking God for a sign after a sign while knowing in my heart exactly what He has told me to do. Sometimes in my life I got to be Judas Iscariot, being treacherous enough to betray my friends and family. 

I keep on to be like the City of Israel, they see the sovereignty of God no matter whom the people chose to reign over them. I keep it in mind that I may allow other things or people to occupy the throne of my heart, but God will always remain sovereign and will never accept usurpers to His authority in the lives of His subjects.

I lose my faith in times of storms and waves, I even go to the extreme of denying my Saviour, not any different from our beloved, Peter.

And far too often I am Abraham, just following on, and believing that things will work out without questioning God. Daily, I am Sarah, praising God one minute, and then laughing in the face of His promises the next.

Every second I try to be like Jesus, loving without conditions. I try to befriend the outcasts, prostitutes and defend the marginalized.

Moreover, I find myself dying because of love, and for it, and somehow I find myself rising. It might not be on the third day, but eventually I do. I die and rise for love, just like Jesus.

I am always the pharisees who hold the stone in judgement against a woman who committed adultery. I do this as if I am any different from or purer than her. The worst part is that I find myself testing God, just like the devil did to Jesus and say, “If you are the Son of God, you will heal my friend” “If you really exist and love us, you will heal and feed the poor.”

All my life, I’m going to remain being the prodigal son – making bad decisions and having God continuously taking me back with forgiveness and great mercy.

I am always going to find myself in these stories, and moreover, in your stories. I am not interested in proving anything I cannot understand, and something this repeatable. I am a living proof. I have the capacity to love, seek, trust and have faith.

“If God’s existence were proven, love as we know it would cease to exist. Because at love’s core is faith, and choice, and risk. Love’s beauty lies in the fact that we chose it, without demanding proof.” – Glennon Doyle