South African ladies started this movement against violence against women by men. We could have a lot of differences about whether the movement is right or wrong.
Firstly, Men argue that “Not all men are trash.” They even ask questions on whether does this include the good fathers.
Yes. All men! Anybody with a pen*s is included. Anybody who has eyes to see that men do things and get away with them. Anybody who sees that the patriarchal priviledge is still benefiting and continues to benefit men at the expense of women.
Good men, who have no dilemma about their stand in this would know that they side with women, they side with the fact that men are trash. Because if you claim you’re a good man, and you protect women, and you always fight patriarchy then surely you should see a need for this movement. You cannot be in it one-footed.
Secondly, The fact that men become so defensive of this shows how little minded and lazy they are to think deeper. Why would there be such a movement? If we are privileged we listen to the under-privileged. A white man cannot fight racism, without first seeing it, and listening to the marginalized, black people. Once he fails to listen, then he won’t ever see any problem or the reason behind fighting racism.
Same applies to #BlackLivesMatter. If the oppressor cannot be brave enough to listen to the oppressed, then no success is guaranteed, However the movement won’t stop just because you’re ignorant.
Thirdly, We do not need to be fathers to understand that our daughters are scared of walking past men. Our daughters wonder if they’re safe around men. But maybe we can take it from there. You fighting this fight mean you understand fully that it could affect you personally. And that’s what sucks – the fact that it has to affect you personally to finally show up.
Lastly, some women would claim that “It’s not only a problem with men, even women.” Because culturally daughters are taught that you respect a man, and you obey him. I mean someone I know was fighting her husband for having another child outside wedlock and the wife’s mother asked the wife the following questions:
Does your husband ever spend a night not in his bed, in this house?
Does he not give you money?
Do your kids ever go to bed without eating?
“No” the wife replied. “So then what’s your problem?” The mother asked.
This shouldn’t be questioned on the oppressed. I think it s very unfair to question the oppressed. However, we need to ask ourselves why would this mother not see a problem with her child wanting to fight? And the answer would still go back to the fact that it was men! Men created this culture of them being supreme whether through religion, and cultural beliefs, etc. So this submissive behavior was passed from generation to generation of women. So if we fail to recognized that that mother is mentally enslaved to believe that men are supreme, it is not, to an extent her fault. It was passed to her, like she just passed it to her daughter.
Women awaken themselves a bit by bit, feminism is taking the stage. #HoeIsLife intimidates men because now women own their sexuality. The world’s rules for girls is be still, don’t desire, and vanish. So #HoeIsLife is women saying: We desire, We do not vanish and thus We cannot be still.
So next time we blame a woman for “obeying” and supporting the oppression we’d know it’s deeper than that. Just like that black lady who volunteered to sit with the dogs behind a white man’s van when she was offered a lift. Whose fault was it? It is always the fault of the privileged, so it is the fault of the white man, he should have insisted that she comes to the front seat. So it is with men and women. It always should be a man’s responsibility to ensure that a woman does not self oppress as a result of his presence.
It is however, of out most importance to ensure that our activism does not end only online.