Men Are Trash Movement.

South African ladies started this movement against violence against women by men. We could have a lot of differences about whether the movement is right or wrong.

Firstly, Men argue that “Not all men are trash.” They even ask questions on whether does this include the good fathers.

Yes. All men! Anybody with a pen*s is included. Anybody who has eyes to see that men do things and get away with them. Anybody who sees that the patriarchal priviledge is still benefiting and continues to benefit men at the expense of women.

Good men, who have no dilemma about their stand in this would know that they side with women, they side with the fact that men are trash. Because if you claim you’re a good man, and you protect women, and you always fight patriarchy then surely you should see a need for this movement. You cannot be in it one-footed.

Secondly, The fact that men become so defensive of this shows how little minded and lazy they are to think deeper. Why would there be such a movement? If we are privileged we listen to the under-privileged. A white man cannot fight racism, without first seeing it, and listening to the marginalized, black people. Once he fails to listen, then he won’t ever see any problem or the reason behind fighting racism.

Same applies to #BlackLivesMatter. If the oppressor cannot be brave enough to listen to the oppressed, then no success is guaranteed, However the movement won’t stop just because you’re ignorant.

Thirdly, We do not need to be fathers to understand that our daughters are scared of walking past men. Our daughters wonder if they’re safe around men. But maybe we can take it from there. You fighting this fight mean you understand fully that it could affect you personally. And that’s what sucks – the fact that it has to affect you personally to finally show up.

Lastly, some women would claim that “It’s not only a problem with men, even women.” Because culturally daughters are taught that you respect a man, and you obey him. I mean someone I know was fighting her husband for having another child outside wedlock and the wife’s mother asked the wife the following questions:

Does your husband ever spend a night not in his bed, in this house?

Does he not give you money?

Do your kids ever go to bed without eating?

“No” the wife replied. “So then what’s your problem?” The mother asked.

This shouldn’t be questioned on the oppressed. I think it s very unfair to question the oppressed. However, we need to ask ourselves why would this mother not see a problem with her child wanting to fight? And the answer would still go back to the fact that it was men! Men created this culture of them being supreme whether through religion, and cultural beliefs, etc. So this submissive behavior was passed from generation to generation of women.  So if we fail to recognized that that mother is mentally enslaved to believe that men are supreme, it is not, to an extent her fault. It was passed to her, like she just passed it to her daughter.

Women awaken themselves a bit by bit, feminism is taking the stage. #HoeIsLife intimidates men because now women own their sexuality. The world’s rules for girls is be still, don’t desire, and vanish. So #HoeIsLife is women saying: We desire, We do not vanish and thus We cannot be still.

So next time we blame a woman for “obeying” and supporting the oppression we’d know it’s deeper than that. Just like that black lady who volunteered to sit with the dogs behind a white man’s van when she was offered a lift. Whose fault was it? It is always the fault of the privileged, so it is the fault of the white man, he should have insisted that she comes to the front seat. So it is with men and women. It always should be a man’s responsibility to ensure that a woman does not self oppress as a result of his presence.

It is however, of out most importance to ensure that our activism does not end only online.

 

Weep! It’s at night!!

At night the only thing is to stay with the pain. The grief feels much greater because everyone seems to be dead. The void is much greater because no one is there. We look up but all there is, is darkness.

We cry, Of cause it is the night.

We weep. Of cause  it is the night.

We let them abandon us. Of cause it is at night.

We can only feel it. Let it all deal with us.

We, however, hold on hope that we do not even have. We no longer have a voice to cry with. We are deeply hurt, and lost.

But the good news is the only truth. Weep last only for the night, Joy comes in the morning.

We are done. We are transforming through the night.

It shall rise. The clouds will fade away. A new life, with new standards is taking over.

Let’s burn. It is at night!

Parenting 1.

Most parents make me doubt about having my own kids. I think of my childhood and I get to be a little angry at some of the things. I always think at this age it is important to ask: Why do I want kids?

Why is it necessary that I have my biological kids and not just take any abandoned kids and raise them?

Well, the common answer is about bloodline, and the legacy, and growing the family.

This then, shows me how we limit our answer to the question. We only focus more on having kids, but we never think deeper on the things we want our kids to learn. We forget that what we leave in the hearts and veins of our kids is way much greater than the bloodline and the legacy.

I still believe most parents never think about this. It is good to take out policies for our kids to survive when we die, but it is way much great if we have confidence that our kids have capabilities of coping with live when we are no longer there. 

We also miss it when we teach our children that achievements become their identity. When we teach our kids that being the top of your class is the thing, they often feel shitty when they no longer holding such positions.

How did we change the world to be a better place, that we decided that it is a very good place for our kids? I think everyone who is planning to have kids should fight against patriarchy, and poverty, and racism, and rape, and religious condemnation, etc.

We need to ensure that our kids are not going to start over, however they’re going to finish off our work and begin their own revolution.

Your parenting has got to be way more than just personal. It IS universal.

Ever feel like everything is going wrong in your life?

I feel somewhat off like 90% of it. My friends normally say, “but you seem happy.” I am happy. I just made peace with the fact that we will experience all these raging feelings about how things are bad.

I am kind of depleted on the level of whining and sometimes crying. I did all that, and still nothing was ever fixed. I believe, at this moment, that the time I am going insane It is actually the time I should be calm. Being calm is difficult when you have a raging anxiety of what should be right.

I thought of maybe I should do this. Every time I am scared of doing something or when those raging negative feelings and thoughts erupt, I start communicating with them. For example, at this moment I feel like I am not making any progress. I feel like everything is just shattering. However, I need to physically write down what is good at this point in time.

I know that my loved ones are not sick. I know that I am physically well. I know that helped someone to smile.

So not everything is going bad. It’s just both. Bad and good moving together. We put too much focus on this bad thing. Our mind exaggerates the situation.

I want balanced thoughts. I want life thoughts. Good and bad. But being human I want more good.

I fix my eyes on this. while I feel bad emotionally. It’s not all good, but my eyes want to see the good.

Deal with your pain now!

We often grow up to a lot of pain, disappointments and shame. Our parents never relate to this void or unusual feeling we experience. They often say, “There’s no such a thing. It’s just a delusion. Go sleep, you’ll wake up better.” This then, plants fear in us. We begin to feel all alone, and trapped, and different. We then, shun it. We never talk about it because we are scared of being ridiculed.

child depre

The problem now, is that we trap these feelings and hurt from our childhood in us. We feel overwhelmed because we are full of truth – full of hurtful truth. The only way to relieve ourselves and to not burden ourselves is through pouring it out.

We often never do. We never deal with this. As a result, our hurt 10-year-old comes back crying in our 20-year-old body. We avoid the small child still. The child comes back at 25. We avoid the poor soul again. Now, what we don’t realise is if we do not deal with our childhood pain now, it will haunt us. We will be small hurt children in adults’ bodies.

Moreover, it gets worse as we will be raising kids. Babies feel the energy in their parents. Because we now failed dealing with our pain, it goes on to the ones we love. Our babies will grow with the void.

The worst thing we do is that we want to preserve them from this pain we suffered growing up without realising that we are the ones soaking them in it. Our kids are supposed to feel and deal with their own pain, never ours.

We claim to love ourselves, but we don’t actually realise how much we hate ourselves. Moreover, we claim to love others, but we are actually lying to ourselves.

Deal with your pain now. It comes back. You do not want to be a crying child in an adult’s body.

Be brave. It’s hard, and You’re bigger. You’re way too capable. Do it. There’s only N.O.W.

Love you.

He doesn’t calm the storm. He walks in the storm with you.

I let this sink every time I face a difficult time. I try to learn that God’s aim is never to stop the storm. His aim is never to make it all vanish.

We say we want growth. We say we want success. We say we want to be happy. The problem comes when we want success without knowing that there’s failure.

So God, because he loves us, He gives us all we requested, but before that, he needs to ensure that you’re capable of holding the blessing. So he asks himself: Is this person transformed? Is their heart in good condition? Does he know how lack feels like?

Then he realises that you’re still vulnerable to handle this thing that you want. So he decides that calming the storm will only benefit you now, and preserve you from pain but the suffering gets to be  greater because it’s for life time.

Let’s ask things from God also accepting that we need to be transformed.

The storm is for us. Never to us.

Let’s storm over!!

 

Abortion

I just heard an argument on how to and why regulate male masturbation. I thought to myself: That’s an interesting argument.

I am also discussed my views on abortion with friends last week, they are Christians so it was quite a faith discussion, and this is what I said:

I personally put abortion, masturbation, and contraceptive in one box. I just see them as one.

My friends widened their eyes and gave me this ‘you’re crazy’ look. And I told them to relax. This is my only view. I do realise that some will argue in terms of the timing, for example pregnancy means there’s a human being in you unlike birth control.

But my thing is, for you to be on birth control means you’re preventing the consequences of your sexual behaviour. Why would you need to prevent life? You’re preventing the very same thing a woman who was raped couldn’t. So you cannot judge her for aborting the baby.

I know that some say, sperm is life, yeah I get it. That’s why then if we are going to be pro-life then can we be more concerned about life after birth. There are many kids suffering , and dying of hunger and we fail to regulate and help and be concerned about those.

So my question also, is if we are going to be pro-life, Let’s decide now and answer this question: What is it that we are fighting? What is our ultimate objective? Is it to reduce abortion rates? Is it to instil morality among people? What are we preserving?

If we are aiming to reduce abortion rates, why then are we not supporting the birth controls and have safe sex with all teenagers. Have shelters where women can ‘dump’ their babies anonymously.

if we are going to instil morality, why don’t we then not shame people who have aborted and start having conversations about what it womanhood means and all its remarkable capabilities. Also have sex talks with boys and men, so we curb rape.

Once we start shaming people we are losing it. We shame people who are aborting babies as if the ones using birth controls could be any different. Let’s first find the objective then do like we supposed to. We should also stop be control freaks on people’s lives.

Let’s start by measuring our performance on life for on the kids who are already born. By feeding and clothing and loving and cherishing  the kids and women who  had abortion we could have a better world.

It’s either we are for life or we are not. or if we are both, maybe we can choose that life after birth is a priority.

You are to live this life fully.

I am a very emotional person. I actually think we all are, just that some cannot handle it and it’s a blessing.

I never really talk about my challenges with people and I’ve got a reason for it. When you’re going through something people, just like me, find it easy to talk. They find it easy to tell you what is the best solution and how you should feel about the way things are. People’s mouth can easily open up and pour out words like: You’ll be okay. Calm down. Just take a chill pill. You’re blowing things out of proportion. I do not like it. I want you to let me feel this. We often undermine the high volume sound our presence has on someone’s  heart and ears. Do not do that. Sit there and shut up. Breath along. Hug me. That’s way much better.

I actually felt affirmed when I read something from Anne Lamott: Jesus told me that if you’re in a period of grief & suffering, and someone says God never gives us more than we can handle, it’s okay to scream.

At that point you’re hurt, and bitter, and raging and whatever they say sounds and feels meaningless. I realised that when I say “calm down” I do not actually mean stop feeling your hurt, however, I actually mean: Stop making noise about it.

The fact that you’re repeating the same phrase over and over again clouds our minds and hearts. I understand you’re hurt, and scared, and anxious, but please try saying it twice to someone – Not thousands times.

How about you write about it. Record it on your phone. But please calm down.

Express your emotions. I love what Anne also said: If you have a body, you are entitled to the full range of feelings. It comes with the package.

This means you are to live this life fully. You are to experience all feelings, love – joy – happiness – pain – rejection.

And this only proves that you’re still living and you’re remarkable. You are a full package.

 

Their success means not your failure.

Very often we find ourselves in a situation where the other person’s success means our failure. Their success is a constant reminder on how incapable we are. however, being people that we are, we will act happy for them.

Oh wait! No – we are happy for them,  we are just sad for our poor selves who were not able to get that promotion. I will, for now, equate it to jealousy, because it simply means we are envious of the other’s success.

Is it not important to realise that we have worked too hard and we also deserving of the promotion just like the co-worker? We are, sometime, cheated and justice never prevails. We work hard, thinking things will be better this time, but still we find ourselves in the same position.

Maybe we are looking at this whole thing wrongly. How about we do this: We believe in the reality of our dreams. We put sweat and faith together. And as we pray we also participate in making sure that our prayers are a reality.

Maybe that’s what also make us feel stuck – comparison. As we compare our results with the other persons, we are definitely scaling twenty percent of the evidence (which is that we did not get the promotion, or we did not achieve that level of success) This is the only part you really witness.

We are ignoring the eighty percent that happens behind the scenes of the success. We are ignoring the fact that they also worked twice as hard like we did. The thing is we are never sure, we will never be certain of their level of faith, and their sweat and their participation in the reality of their dreams.

Moreover, how about we take lessons? Lessons that whatever is achievable with one man, is achievable with all. How about we acknowledge that there are people who sent to show us that certain barriers can be broken. How about we appreciate and recognise that one’s success is for all. How about we acknowledge that someone sets a bar for us to achieve.

We also say to our daughters:

She is not your rival, she is your sister – a step-ladder.

She is not your enemy, she is your reflection.

Her success does not mean your failure, however it means a glimpse of your ‘beyond’ capabilities – what you cannot see within yourself.

 

 

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